Top Ten Ways to Change Your Life For The Better

We turn to fortune telling for one main reason. We want our lives to be better. All a fortune can tell you is what will likely happen if you keep going the way you are, so if you get a reading and the future is not what you want it to be it’s time to do something differently and create the life you want. Here are ten ways to do that.

1- Do Something Different

Are you a creature of habit following the same routines day in day out, week after week, month after month? If you want to change your life for the better change those routines up a little. Get up earlier or later, take a different route to work, or say hello to someone you might not normally take the time to be friendly with for example. The whole point of this exercise is to shake up your day to day “normalness” and allow your brain to be creative. It’s from these creative and new thoughts that a solution to what is troubling you is likely to come. It’s pleasurable to have new and creative thoughts, to create “A-ha!” moments that can lead to breakthroughs and open new doors.

2- Prioritise Your Values

I’ve often spoken on this blog about the importance of knowing what your values are because that is something I so often see in people who come to me for readings. A confusion about what is truly important to them. Sometimes we simply don’t know what is more important to us until we’ve lived in a situation that brings two or more of our values into conflict. Most notably the need to be happy versus the need to be in a relationship. I’m not suggesting that some values are mutually exclusive- obviously you can be in a relationship and be happy but sometimes life doesn’t work like that. Sometimes you have to choose being true to yourself over financial stability for example. Whatever your personal circumstances, you can change your life for the better if you put some thought into which values are more important to you. Knowing those values and their importance to you makes decision making easier.

3- Make A To Do List

It’s an oldy but a goody for a reason. Something as simple as a to-do list takes some of the pressure off your subconscious. You can have simple daily lists or longer monthly lists or even life time lists. I love bucket lists and pretty much any method that allows you to get out on a piece of paper and solidify your desires and goals. Once you have those goals and desires on paper your brain doesn’t need to keep thinking about them and, in my experience, to do lists have a funny way of getting done even when you aren’t consciously working towards them. I tend to think there’s a little bit of magic in list making, but that could just be me.

4- Make A Collage

This is very similar to the list making above but works much better for those of us who are visual creatures. Get a nice big piece of cardboard and cut and paste words and pictures that represent something you want, be it a relationship, home, holiday, job or whatever you desire. Spend as long as you like putting it together and really imagine and immerse yourself in the feeling of that desire being true. Make sure you put your finished collage somewhere you can see it every day and every time you see it recall that good feeling of your desire being true. DO NOT worry about the how and the why it will come true. Just enjoy the feeling of it actually being true. This is one of the easiest and best methods to utilise the Law of Attraction.

5- Do A Self Examination

Sometimes the only thing we need to do to change our lives for the better is to really look at ourselves. NOT to judge but to examine. One method to do this is to write yourself questions with the hand you normally write with and to answer those question by writing with your non dominant hand (don’t worry if it’s messy, you just need to be able to read it). There are plenty of methods out there for self-examination, from psychological tests to getting your full horoscope cast. Whatever methods you choose just remember that the important part is to get to know yourself not to beat yourself up. Remember that we all have strengths and weaknesses and knowing those is an important part of changing your life for the better.

6-Solve One Issue At A Time

When it all feels overwhelmingly shit the only thing to do is to solve one issue at a time. Always start from the inside out. The only thing we have any real control over is ourselves so it’s always the best place to start when solving issues in your life. If you have unresolved issues then deal with them before you move on to dealing with outside factors. Whatever you do don’t chuck it all in and try to make a brand new life for yourself all at once. Remember that wherever you go, you’ll always be there so any internal issues will just come with you. Make big life changes like a move interstate or a new career when you are feeling stable and whole within yourself. Problems are much easier to handle one at a time, so make sure to cut yourself some slack and allow that everything doesn’t need to be perfect all at once.

7- Cultivate Healthy Friendships

A healthy friendship is one where you come away feeling energised after spending time with your friend, and they feel the same. An unhealthy friendship is one where you feel dread at the prospect of seeing your friend or exhausted afterwards. We stay with unhealthy relationships and friendships for a myriad of reasons but the bottom line is that unhealthy or toxic friendships and relationships are bad for you. The solution is to spend time with people who make you feel good and avoid people who make you feel bad. It sounds simple and obvious but all too often our obligations and loyalties blind us to toxic friendships and their effects on us.

8- Laugh

Another simple but often overlooked part of changing your life for the better. There are a whole heap of scientific reasons that laughing is good for us, from the way laughter alters our body chemistry to the way that a fake smile can trick your body into a better mood but it boils down to one thing. Laughter makes life enjoyable. All our problems are much easier to deal with from a happy and optimistic frame of mind and laughter will get us there. Besides, sometimes things are out of our control which leaves us with the only thing we can control- our ability to see the funny side of things.

9- Reward Your Achievements

It’s important that you recognise your own achievements. There’s no point waiting around for anyone else around you to pat you on the back because sometimes people will have no idea of your internal processes to get to a goal. If you know just how hard it’s been for you to accept a personal flaw or reach a difficult goal then go ahead and celebrate that in whatever way validates you. All too often we are our own worst critics, well this advice is about being the opposite- be your own cheer squad. And because that is so much easier said than done, start small and reward your achievements as you go. It’s the best way to train yourself to be your own best friend rather than your own worst enemy.

10- Choose Contentment

Last but not least, choosing contentment. This one is for all us perfectionists who can’t rest until it’s … what? I’ve never worked out where to stop with “perfection” so I chose to be content instead of “right”. This is where embracing the concept of “good enough” is actually liberating. Maybe the need for perfection and the pressure we place on ourselves to achieve it is a holdover from our school days when it was all life and death and “this will affect the rest of your life” kind of thinking. This is the advice that tells you to consciously choose not to keep up the Joneses, be happy right here, right now, with what you have. Count your blessings and appreciate the journey you are on. No matter where you are in life or what you are doing and who you are doing it with, you can be happy within yourself by simply choosing to be. And it boils down to one simple thought- that you are good enough exactly as you are. Everything you have on top of that is simply a bonus.

Top Ten Things You Need To Know About Wishing

1- Make your wish then move on

You’ve finally decided you want to wish for something, what do you do next? You make your wish in what ever form suits you (eg on a star, with a collage, chicken wish bone, etc) then you move on. By moving on I mean you get on with your life. You don’t obsess about the wish, or wonder exactly how it’s going to come true or when or if or any other form of picking at it. You just let the wish go to do it’s own thing, trusting that, having made the wish you have done at least part of your bit. It’s actually really important that you move on from the wish making stage or you get stuck there, stuck in the mindset that led you to make your wish in the first place.

2- Next comes the hard work

Having made your wish you have to live as if that wish were going to come true. Have you wished for a dream job? Start applying for it or getting the courses you need under your belt to do it. Wished you could be a successful writer/ artist/ photographer etc? Well, start writing or painting or taking photos etc. You can’t be successful at something you haven’t even started yet. If you have started keep doing what you’re doing and learn to get better at it. Have you wished for new love? Work on yourself and your own issues till you are a person who can see yourself being loved be the person you want to love you. Whatever your wish, you have to be the one who puts in the hard work to accomplish it, you have to do something to open up the space in your life to allow it to happen. Couch potatoes don’t get to be astronauts until they’ve seriously put in some hours at the gym.

3- Make sure you really want it

What will achieving your wish cost you? Do you want a super successful career as a top level CEO? Are you prepared to sacrifice time with your family and loved ones for that, working 90 hours a week with that sort of responsibility on your shoulders? Is your wish really something that you think you should want because it’s expected of you? Do you wish for a relationship but deep down inside think that your own company is just fine and that you are rather happy, if somewhat lonely, on your own. A relationship isn’t something you do to fill up loneliness, but that’s a whole other subject. Making a wish is a powerful signal to the universe that you want something to change. If you don’t really want your life to change then don’t make any wishes.  

4- Put some thought into what needs to change

Speaking of change, that’s exactly what wishing is. Saying out loud you want things to be different. It’s important that you devote some time and energy to what exactly those changes mean. That dream job may only be available somewhere far from your family and loved ones. Or getting it might mean having to lose your partners job so he or she can be with you. If it’s love you wished for then what needs to change about yourself to allow that love in? Are you ready for a new relationship or are you still clinging to the shards of a broken one? If you wished you were fit and healthy then it stands to reason to get your wish you have to change your diet and exercise habits.

5- You can’t control the timing

Usually when we make a wish, the subject of the wish is of pressing importance to us. We want it to come true now. But, if you wish for love, what if the right person for you isn’t available at the moment? What if he or she is simply not ready for a relationship or with someone else or learning lessons that are important to both of your long term happiness? You could always settle for someone else but that would defeat the purpose of the wish wouldn’t it. Same goes for dream jobs. What if someone else has the right job for you at this moment in time. Sometimes we just have to wait until everything is ready for our chance. The Universe has a much bigger perspective then we do and can see where to slot us in. “Oh yes, I have an opening for a dream job next Thursday, can you wait?” None of us are going to say, “No I need it by tomorrow or I don’t want it.”

6- Don’t make a wish about someone else that you wouldn’t want someone else to make about you

This one is a doosy and applies especially to relationship/ love wishes. Don’t wish for a specific person to love you. Think of how you would feel if someone out there was wishing you would fall in love with them even if you didn’t want to. This is where the number one Golden Rule applies. Do unto others as you’d have them do unto you. It’s not a nice or comfortable feeling to be the object of someone else’s obsession, even if you aren’t aware of it. This also applies to wishing for the downfall of others, wishing they’d get their comeuppance (no matter how much they deserve it), wishing they’d go away etc. Be nice. Hold a mirror up to your wish and see if you are comfortable about someone wishing that on you. If the answer is yes then proceed joyously. If it’s not then it may be time to look deeper into why you would want to wish that.

7- Readjust your expectations

Just to bring up our couch potato astronaut again, some wishes are seriously unrealistic. Don’t be surprised when you and all of the other millions of people don’t win the Lotto. That’s a lot of wishes vying for one small trophy. Same goes with relationships. If you want a handsome, successful, rich, generous, family oriented, committed, romantic, down to earth, (etc etc) man then don’t be surprised if you don’t meet him till you’re 90. There aren’t too many of the rare ones going around (that’s why they are rare). If you want to be happy in a relationship readjust what exactly it will take to make you happy? Is it more important that he’s rich or handsome? What about romantic vs down to earth? Romantic men tend to not be quite so good with DIY- he may not be able to fix your taps but he’ll have some lovely poetry about the sound of their dripping. The more realistic you can be about your wish, the easier it will come to you.

8- Be careful what you wish for

Wishes are notoriously tricky things. There’s a reason they figure the way they do in stories. Say you did write a laundry list of qualities you absolutely had to have in a man (or woman) and, miracle of miracles, you met and fell in love with a person who embodied them all. We can never think of everything before hand, so there will undoubtedly be something you didn’t see coming. Say you got Mr Perfect as described above, but forgot  to include getting on with his mother. Yep. You guessed it. Mr Perfect comes with Mother in law from hell. Or dream job gets landed at your feet, oops, forgot to include the bit about working for someone worth working for. Turns out the job is fantastic and everything you hoped for, but, it comes with a nightmare boss, or commute to work, or a junior who has a crush on you. You get the idea. Wishes always come with a price and a lesson to learn. Just because this is the way of things doesn’t mean you should not wish or aim for your highest ideals. After all, the other option is to stay stuck and unfulfilled.

9- Know yourself

The best wishes come from a place, deep inside yourself, that is serene and secure. Wishes made from the surface, from a place of being afraid of being left behind, or unloved or insecure tend to backfire. The better you know yourself. The happier you are with who you are right now, the better your wishes comes true. The more magical and amazing their appearance, and the more fulfilling they will be. So, before you make any wishes really, really know yourself. Ask yourself the hard questions like, why aren’t I in a happy relationship now? Do I want too much? Am I capable of giving to someone else what I wish they would give to me? Am I in the right place emotionally? Do I need to work on my issues? Why don’t I have the right job? Have I gone down the wrong path or followed a path that no longer fulfils me? Know thyself is the first step to just about anything spiritual and it is certainly at the start of any journey into wishing.  

10- Some things just aren’t meant to be

Some of our noblest wishes are for others. I wish they were well. Or I wish they could find happiness. Or I wish that persons misfortunes would come to an end. But sometimes that’s simply not what destiny has in mind. Sometimes we have to let go of our wishes because there is a reason why they can’t come true. We can’t always see these reasons from where we are at. That’s what makes not getting a wish hard to deal with. But sometimes we simply have to trust that things happen for a reason and that we aren’t privy to all those reasons. This holds especially true when we wish someone would feel about us the way we feel about them. 99% of the time it’s to do with their issues, not ours. So, if you don’t get your wish, go back to the start of this list. Move on. There are more wishes out there. More paths to a fulfilling life. And, when it comes down to it, some things in life are simply sad. We can’t gloss over the fact that there are some crappy things about life. Like being sick. Or losing a job. Or losing a friend. We only experience joy because we have something to compare it too. Sadness. Being sad isn’t bad, in and of itself. Losing yourself in sadness is. The single best thing to wish for? Healing the self. All things are possible for a person who is whole, in and of themselves.

 

Top Ten Things You Should Know About Yourself Before You Fall In Love

Do you think you are ready to fall in love? If so, here are a few things you should know about yourself before you do.

Know Who You Are When You Are Happy

I don’t just mean the sort of happy you get from a great event or unusual high point in your life, I mean the sort of everyday background level of happiness you get from just enjoying where your life is at. The time in your life where you wake up with positive thoughts and good expectations of your day ahead, where you are thinking about what you are going to have for dinner without stressing about it, that sort of happy. Studies have shown we humans are really rather creatures of habit so no matter what happens to us, be it a lotto win or a devastating accident, we tend to settle back down into our previous happiness level by about a year later. Falling in love creates an enormous high that can last anywhere between 6 months to 1 year, but after that you will fall back to your previous level of happiness. So it makes sense to cultivate your own personal happiness level because that’s your base line for life. Something that no one can take away from you or affect over the long term, even if others and outside circumstances can change it in the short term.

Know Who You Are When You Are Sad

One of the biggest inhibitors for a lot of people when it comes to falling in love is the fear of being hurt- the fear of loss. For this reason it is important to know who you are when you are sad, to not just have a theory about how you would deal with a low point in your life, but to actually live through one. It is important to know that you will get through it, that you will survive, to know that things will get better. And the only way to know this is to live it. When you live to see the light at the end of the tunnel, you know that no matter what happens to you and your love, you will be ok. Eventually.

Know Who You Are When You Are Angry

What type of angry do you get? Peaceful most of the time, building up a huge head of steam to be let go at the strangest provocation, spewing forth weeks or months of built up resentment? Or maybe you are the rant and rage over every little thing type only to forget it all five minutes later. Maybe somewhere else on the spectrum. Where ever you fall, however it is you get angry, you really need to know who you are when you do. For one, you’ll need to be able to tell your new love what you are like when you are angry, and secondly, you’ll need to be able to recognise it in yourself as well. There are two types of angry- justified angry and unjustified.  Being angry in and of itself isn’t a bad thing. We all get angry. We get angry when we are tired, stressed, upset, offended, and so on. This is not something you need to “fix” about yourself, just something you need to learn to deal with. The better you know your own temper and how to diffuse it, the easier you are to live with and fall in love with.   

Know What Your Battles Are

You need to know what your battles are, where you draw the line over things worth worrying over. We simply can’t worry about everything or do everything so it’s important to choose your battles wisely. Just how important is it to you that your house is spotless with no dust bunnies colonising the underside of your bed? Maybe it’s important to you to have a fully stocked pantry and meals planned out in advance. Whatever it is that important to you- from making sure that the socks are properly paired because it drives you insane to have a draw full of mismatched socks- to drawing the line over swearing when arguing make sure you know what is and isn’t worth a fight. This isn’t to say that you have to have your own way all the time in relationships. When I was a kid, one of the best exercises I ever did at school was to put a list of values in ranked order. The list included such things as honesty, faith, bravery etc. I learnt a lot from that exercise, not the least of which was that some things are more important then others. If you need to, make your own list up, of both values and battles. Putting things in perspective, and really knowing what you can and can’t compromise on makes it much easier to negotiate a happy relationship.  

Know What Your Own Faults Are And How To Make Peace With Them

Yep. We all have faults. Sometimes we are so super critical of ourselves all we can see are our own faults. But put it in perspective. Everyone else has them too. Before you fall in love, come to grips with your own faults and failings. I’m lazy and rather messy. If it’s a choice between hard work and a day on the couch watching my favourite shows, chances are I’ll probably take the shows. And you know what, every now and then I do, and I don’t beat myself up for it. It makes me happy to be a little bit naughty every now and then. My dust bunny colony annoyed hubby to be so much the other day that he vacuumed. I did feel bad about it for a little while because cleaning the inside of the house is my job as per our previous agreement. Then I forgave myself because you know, I’ve done a lot of other really good stuff the last few weeks too. And that’s the trick. Learn to forgive yourself for not being perfect. 

Know What Truly Gives You Comfort

As I mentioned above, I love sitting on the couch watching my favourite shows. I’m too impatient to watch it on tv, so I have a pretty extensive dvd collection. In fact, if I had no responsibilities and endless amounts of money, I’d probably divide my time between watching great shows and reading great books. Food wise, give me a good spaghetti Bolognese or tomato and feta salad, maybe a few glasses of rum and coke, or if I’m feeling cashed up, some Long Island Iced Tea. All these things give me comfort. They did before I fell in love and they still do afterwards. All your comforts will come with you when you fall in love because they are a fundamental part of who you are. You may not get to indulge in them quite so often when you are loved up, so make the most of any single time you have to revel in your comforts. Trust me. After you fall in love you’ll have to divide your time between your own and your love’s comforts. After you have children you’ll have to divide that time again. Make the most of your comforts while you still can!

Know What You Really Want Out Of Life

By that I don’t just mean whether you want a rocking career, or a large family, I mean what kind of life do you want? A busy one? A famous one? Do you want to make your mark on history? Invent something that will change the lives of millions? Maybe you want to create something that will last beyond your lifetime? Maybe you want a quiet life, the sort of life that is filled to the brim with memorable meals and get-togethers with family and friends. Sometimes the only way to know what you really want is to try lots of different things and see how they fit. Maybe you thought being a lawyer would be for you, then discovered it wasn’t; maybe you thought you’d be happy staying at home and raising your kids, then discovered it wasn’t as fulfilling as you’d hoped. Whatever your life path, learning about what you want out of life is crucial to being able to be happily in love. You don’t want to discover after you’ve fallen in love with someone that doesn’t want kids that you have changed your mind and do really want them. Your base line on this journey is to imagine yourself at 80 or 90 and looking back on your life. Better to have regrets for what you did do then for what you didn’t.

Know What Your Priorities Are

This is a rather everyday and prosaic need. Is it more important to you to have no debt or to be able to buy whatever you like whenever you want? Is it important to you that you have time for yourself or you get all your housework done? If you don’t know what your priorities are how are you going to learn to mesh your needs with someone else’s? By knowing your priorities and living in a pattern that allows you to take care of them, you’ll find it much easier to attract and be attracted by someone who shares those priorities. So if you know that it is important to you not to have any debt, then you’ll be less likely to fall in love with someone who doesn’t have a problem with being in debt.  

Know What You Consider To Be Success

We don’t all define success the same way. For me, I consider the day a success if I go to bed feeling like I have accomplished what I set out to do. Success to me is achieving my goals. For others, success may come in the form of validation or recognition from others- like a scientist who has their work peer reviewed and discussed. Others may consider success to be financial reward, emotional reward, intellectual reward- you name it. But to happily fall in love you need to know what your idea of success is. You need to have a base line, something to aim for and a measure of where you are at as you go along on life’s journey. Success can come in many different forms, but the only one that matters is the one that matters to you.

Know What You Consider Failure

Failure is not the end of the world. We all fail from time to time, the same as we all have faults. But not all of us have the same definition. Like success, the only failure that matters is the one that matters to you. I consider it a failure when I don’t live up to my promises, or when I don’t practice what I preach. Like knowing what it is like to be sad, knowing what you consider failure is important because over the course of your life you will inevitably fail at some things. But that doesn’t matter. How you pick yourself up and get on with things does matter.

So often when we are single we long to be in love. But there are some things you can only do while you are single- truly getting to know yourself so that you don’t lose who you are when you are in a relationship is something you can only do on your own. The more you know yourself, the more secure in who you are, the more likely you are to attract the love of your life- to attract someone who loves you for who you really are, not who you are trying to be.

Top Ten Relationship Tips

Getting a reading on your relationship should be a last resort. 9 times out of 10, a relationship reading isn’t necessary if you know how to have a good relationship. Now, not everyone is good at relationships for a myriad of reasons- often we simply don’t know how. Here are my top ten suggestions- the ones I find myself most often telling my sitters.

Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff

Seriously. This is a big one. There are books about how not to sweat the small stuff. The general rule of thumb is are you going to be mad about it (or even remember it) in a week, a month or a year? If the answer is no, then just let it go. All too often we nitpick with our partners and get angry about little things. Save it. That’s what best friends are for. Have your whinge to your bestie’s about him leaving the toilet seat up or about her habit of leaving the lids off things. Whatever the small stuff is, get over it. When I say let it go, I mean really let it go, not just pretend it doesn’t matter. If it’s an issue you are still thinking about a week, a month or a year later then you need the next bit of advice.

Actually Listen and Talk

You wouldn’t think this really needs to be given as advice, but I cannot being to tell you how many times I have been asked for a reading about issues that would be solved by a simple conversation. If you can’t talk to your partner about anything that is bothering you then you are in the wrong relationship. Honestly. Being able to talk to the one you love is fundamental. Without it, it’s not a relationship, it’s someone you have sex with that lives in your house. When you listen shut your brain up- do not think about what you are going to say next, do not be planning how you are going to come back to your partners accusations/ thoughts/ statements/ whatever. Get into the habit of listening to what they say and then telling them what you have understood from what they have said. For example-

”I’m tired and cranky because this has been a horrible day where everything has gone wrong and I come home and find you’ve had an easy day and it doesn’t looks like you’ve done anything!” he said.

“So what you’re saying is that because your day has been so awful, you are upset that I have had a good one?” she said.

By simply taking the time to understand what your partner is telling you without immediately leaping to the defensive you calm the situation down and you really get it. That’s what communication is. Think of the old saying- you have two ears and one mouth for a reason, you need to do twice as much listening as you do talking. There is a lot to be said about talking and listening but for now, I’m sure you get the idea.

Hubby-to-be has pointed out that sometimes you just have to be patient and listen to your partners issues no matter when, even if it is 3am. Sometimes, you simply have to put their needs first. And if they need to talk when they need to talk, then you need to listen. For a healthy relationship, you have to have a partner who will do the same for you.

On a Scale of One to Ten…

This is one bit of relationship advice I discovered with my beautiful hubby-to-be. Whenever we come up to a decision that needs to be made that we disagree on we pull out the scales. That is, on a scale of one to ten how much does one of us want to do something vs how much does one of us not want to do something. For example, there’s a party on that one of us is very keen on while the other is thinking bed and a cup of tea sounds more inviting. If on the scale of one to ten he wants to go at an 8 whereas I want to stay in bed is a 5 then we go. This only works if you are both 100% honest and willing to compromise. But without honesty and willingness to compromise, again, it’s not a relationship worth keeping. A fundamental rule of a healthy relationship is give and take. This is one method for negotiating that give and take.

Do NOT Bring Up Old Stuff In A Fight

I cannot stress this one enough. When you disagree or fight stick to the issue at hand. If you can’t, walk away and think again about how important this relationship is. It breaks my heart every time I do a reading for someone who is constantly bringing up old issues. Some people store up old issues to use as ammunition because they think fighting with their partner is about winning. It’s not. We sometimes disagree. It’s a fact of life. If you love someone you will not be trying to hurt them or put them down. When you bring up old stuff in a fight it’s about winning, it’s about saying “well I’m more hurt than you”, or “I’m a better person than you”. Long term that just won’t work so, don’t do it.

Daily Affection

One of the things I love most about my relationship is our after work hug. Everyday, without fail, hubby-to-be and I will stop whatever we are doing, put whatever is in our hands down, and give each other a long hug. It’s our way of saying, “hey, I’m glad you are here,” and simply reaffirming our connection. It takes a minute, tops but during that time our energy changes from the frantic pace of work and busyness to the calmer and happier ‘togetherness’. Our after work hug isn’t the only affection we show each other. We are both rather touchy feely kind of people, so there is always a lot of casual strokes and caresses and hugs and kisses. Sometimes they are foreplay and sexual in nature, sometimes they are simply teasing, affectionate and fun. No one ever said that foreplay only happens in the moments before sex. Sometimes foreplay happens all day. Stolen kisses, caresses, ass grabs and giggling. Maybe part of this is because I am supremely confident of my hubby-to-be’s affection and attraction to me, but I do think that way too many women worry way too much about their appearance. Seriously, if your partner didn’t find you attractive, he  or she wouldn’t be with you. If he or she is putting you down about your body or attractiveness then you don’t need them. Daily affection both given and received makes for a happy relationship.

Division of Labour

Fundamental to the division of labour is the ability to talk and listen. So, if you can’t do that one, don’t expect this one to work. Do NOT rely on unspoken agreements about the division of labour (ie- who does what around the house, when and how often). You really, really need to talk about this one. Our division of labour, by mutual agreement is that I handle pretty much all the inside stuff (except the bathroom scrubbing because it bothers him quicker then it bothers me) while he tackles all the outside stuff. I think it’s fair to do all the washing, cooking, dishes, beds and stuff because I don’t mow the lawn (we have a lot of lawn on 5 acres), or weed, or build fences, renovate buildings, clean gutters, fix the car or chop wood. We didn’t just fall into this- we agreed to it. However it works out in your relationship make sure you have agreed who does what. At the end of the day, housework is a fundamental part of our lives. It has to be done because it just won’t do itself (though I’m sure that doesn’t stop us all from wishing it would do itself). You would not believe the amount of relationships that have fallen apart because of resentments that were born from this, stoked by a fire of hanging on to old stuff and regurgitating it in fights. Save yourself the drama and get this one right. Reserve the right for either of you to renegotiate the division of labour as circumstances change.

Praise

A little praise goes a long way. I think of it as the salt in a relationship. Too much (especially if it’s false) spoils things but just the right amount makes all the difference. Praise, appreciation and gratitude. Simple things that can make or break relationships. I don’t think we think of them often enough. I have seen many people who simply refused to recognise when their partners were putting in effort, instead expecting more of them, saying for example, “well if he or she can do this then why can’t they do that as well?” Stop if you ever find yourself saying or thinking this. Back up. Did you say ‘thank you’ or ‘I appreciate the effort’ for whatever they did? If not, then say it. Verbalise your appreciation for efforts made. When you praise, keep it real. If someone has made a meal for you that wasn’t the best tasting in the world, don’t bag them out for it, thank them for making the effort. They’ll be happier and you’ll be happier because they will want to keep doing stuff for you. For every criticism that you make find ten positives. It’s really not that hard.

Cultivate In Jokes

The glue that keeps couples together is a shared culture. It’s the glue for society as well- pop culture, references that make sense. If I say “Luke, I am your father” in a deep and silly voice, you’ll get the joke (unless you have had no contact with western culture for the last 40 years). The same thing applies to relationships. Sometimes you’ll be the only two who get the joke. But that’s what makes it fun. I always hated the word “boobs”. The feminist part of me thought it was ridiculous. It now forms the basis of a private in joke so I giggle every time I hear it. We both do. And every time we do I feel just that little bit closer to hubby-to-be. You can’t make in jokes happen. But when you have a free and easy communication, when you praise each other and appreciate each other, warts and all, then in jokes will flow naturally. It helps if you have the same sense of humour. But you wouldn’t be with someone who doesn’t have the same sense of humour would you? If you can make each other laugh then pretty much all else can be forgiven.

Love Them Because of Their Faults, Not Despite Them

Now this is something I have believed my whole life and my relationship with hubby-to-be has proven it to me. When you are searching for a partner, don’t be looking for someone who has the traits you love. Look for someone who’s faults you can live with. You can grow to love just about anything, but faults are what drive us apart. If biting your nails sends chills down your spine, don’t hook up with someone who does it without thinking. If the toilet seat is a massive issue for you, again, it’s a deal breaker. But if drinking milk out of the carton from the fridge annoys you but isn’t that big a deal then live with it. Pick a partner whose faults you can live with for the rest of your life. We all have faults. It’s ridiculous to pretend we don’t. Even Mr or Ms Right has faults. None of us are perfect and an unreasonable demand for perfection has been the death of more relationships than I can count. You can save yourself a lot of drama if you simply pick a partner whose faults are actually kind of cute rather than bone jarring.

Admit When You Are Wrong

It is not the end of the world if you have stuffed up. Honestly. In the right relationship it is safe for you to make mistakes. As I said above, none of us are perfect. Sometimes we stuff up. Some of our mistakes are small ones (it was the wrong brand of cheese) some of our mistakes are big ones (I should never have taken that job). With the person who loves you most, with your life partner, the person you are spending the rest of your life with, you have to be able to admit when you are wrong. But it is the end of the world if you can’t admit you made a mistake. In it’s way, it’s the worst kind of lying. It’s the sort of lying that is obvious to anyone who knows you. So often we are programmed from a young age to be perfect and never make mistakes. We grow up and become adults who are “always in the right”. All that does is leave your partner feeling wronged, angry and determined to make you see things from their point of view. As a reader I have so often found myself in the position of having to tell someone that the mistake was theirs. Far more often then not, they know this at some level, but just didn’t want to admit it- as if admitting it makes them weak or vulnerable. If you can admit when you are wrong and not hate yourself for it then you are on your way to a healthy relationship. A true love will support you; will hold you when you feel bad; will trust you to fix it or simply move on. Anyone who throws your mistakes back in your face isn’t worth keeping.

This isn’t a comprehensive list or a relationship How To. This is just a list of the top ten things that work for me and hubby-to-be. All relationships are different and how things work for you may be just right. But that’s the thing about relationships. At the end of the day it’s about how two people relate to each other. No one else can do it for you. If you are thinking about getting a reading for a relationship you are already in, run it by this list and see if it’s something you can solve without a reading first. If you have to ask yourself if it’s the right person for you, then there’s a good chance that it isn’t. When it’s the right person, the first place you’ll go when you have a problem is to your partner, not a fortune teller or psychic.

Top Ten Ways to Learn to Read Tarot Cards

There are many different avenues to consider when you begin your journey into tarot reading. No matter how long you do it you still learn everyday, from books, from peers, from life, from different aspects of the tarot reading world. There are still many avenues I haven’t delved to deeply into yet because they haven’t truly attracted me, but I dare say at some point I will find myself exploring them. However, for now, this is my list of top ten ways to learn to read tarot cards.

1- Forums

My favourite forum has to be Aeclectic Tarot. It is quite simply the best starting point. There are discussions about the history of tarot, decks new and old, spreads and how to read with them, you name it- if it’s about tarot, you can find it here. Best of all for learner readers there are boards that allow you to post your own readings to get feedback on how you are going with your interpretations and boards which allow you to practice reading for others, which is sometimes difficult to do. Like all forums it can be tricky negotiating all the strong personalities and passionately held opinions, but I feel that Aeclectic is actually pretty good in that regard.

2- Your Regional Tarot Guild

There are professional associations in most areas that are a fantastic guiding light. Downside, they can be very pricey. Plus side, they are watched like hawks and you run very little risk of being ripped off. If you do intend to go professional, having a good relationship with your local tarot guild can be a great stepping stone.

3- Your Own Journal

In some ways, you are your own best teacher. After all, you are the only one who knows how your own psyche works, you are the only one who can teach yourself to work with your own intuition and you are the only one who has your own particular set of symbology. For example, you might have a special association with a certain shade of blue because it reminds you of your beloved grandmothers favourite cardigan and she always had a hug and a smile for you when you were down- so for you, that colour will always be about comfort and reassurance. So long as you keep writing down all your readings you’ll find that you’ll learn the most from yourself.

4- A Reputable Reader

If you are lucky enough you may have a local reader who is willing to teach you. This will work best when it’s someone you feel very comfortable with. It is great- though not essential- to have a mentor. They can help you get over humps, help you see something that simply won’t come to you and teach you not just about card meanings but about the art of delivering a reading to someone. It’s one thing to know what the cards means, but you have to be able to pull that together in such a way that actually answers your sitters question. Sometimes a mentor is the best person for that.

5- Books!

Lots, and lots of books. Read them all. Good ones, bad ones, indifferent ones. Sometimes you just need to have your mind opened up to different possibilities. Some stand out books to try are Mary K Greer’s 21 Ways to Read A Tarot Card and Paul Fenton Smith’s The Tarot Revealed. Some of the best tarot books to read are the proper guide books that come with different decks (not the LWB’s). They delve deeply into the symbology specific to the deck being used and with so many different decks out there, there is a lot of different symbology. So keep reading!

6- Tarot Blogs

There are thousands of great tarot blogs out there and if you are interested in learning tarot you should be following at least a few. One of the best things about tarot is that it is a constantly evolving discipline. We are all learning from each other. Because there are so many ways of seeing and reading the tarot learners can shop around until they find a style that suits them. Some learn best in a disciplined fashion, others in a more freestyle, intuitive way. However your learning style you can be sure that someone out there is writing about it in a manner that will suit you. So start searching for the blogs that work for you.

7- Psychology and Counselling Books

Yes, you should have a very good background knowledge of psychology and counselling. Most of the time when people come to see you they are upset or deeply concerned. They are often in a fragile emotional state and to be a good tarot reader you have to not make things worse for them. That requires some degree of skill and a basic understanding of human nature. If you aren’t already a natural “good listener”, indeed, even if you are, you should at least learn the basics of how to counsel people. This also involves learning how to protect yourself from other people’s emotional baggage.

8- Myths and Symbology

Some tarot decks take in a very general mythology and symbology others are very specific. Whatever deck you choose to work with get a handle on it’s source material. For example, if you choose a faery themed deck make sure you know as much as you can about faeries. If you choose a Greek mythology based deck, learn what you can about Greek myths. As a general rule it helps to know a lot about the background of something so you can move forward confidently.

9- People Watching

I love people watching. One of the trickiest things to get a handle on in tarot is the court cards. People watching really helps that. You make instant judgements about people and try to guess if they strike you as a Queen of Cups kind of person, or a Knight of Swords. You can learn to get a good feeling for the general vibe that people put out, or what mood they are in on a particular day. You can also practice your intuition on whether they are having a 3 of cups kind of day or maybe a 6 of swords one. If you want to read for people, it really, really helps if you both like them and get them.

10- Getting Readings

One of the best bits of advice for potential authors is to read a lot. The same thing applies to tarot readers. If you want to be a good tarot reader get a lot of readings (not all at once). It kind of comes under the same heading as if you want to be a good sales person, first be a good customer. The more readings you get the more you firm up in your own mind what does and doesn’t work well or come across well. Whether or not the reader involves you too much or too little in the reading, eye contact too much or too little, general manner, friendliness or lack thereof. I’m sure you get the idea. I’ve had readings that I loved, readings that I hated, readings that I’ve felt massively ripped off and readings I thought were perfect. It is vital that you know what it’s like to sit in the sitters chair so that when you are the reader you can do for them what you wish was done for you.

So there you have my list. What about you? Where was the best place for you to learn to read tarot?

My Top Ten 3 Card Spreads

There are an infinite number of three card spreads and it is dead easy to make your own- just name each position something you need to know. If however you are looking for some inspiration, here are my top ten 3 card spreads.

10- The Tree

You can do this one vertically- starting with the Roots, the Trunk, the Branches. The Roots are of course where you are coming from or the root of the problem. The Trunk is the bulk of the situation and the Branches are complications that have or could develop or offshoots of the situation. You can vary this by adding as many branches as you are comfortable reading. Technically if you add more branches it isn’t a 3 card spread anymore but I tend to find that I don’t really need to. The more cards you add to a reading for “clarification” the more confused things tend to get.

Example Reading

I asked my Whimsical deck what do I need to know about my wedding planning?

I got Roots- Ace of Cups; Trunk- Temperance; Branches- Hanged One

So, obviously I’m planning a wedding because of the offer of love we share. Temperance is represented by the nursery rhyme Jack and Jill in this deck, to me that suggests that the bulk of the situation is that we want to do this together, we’ve got to both be happy with the plans. The Hanged One in this deck is represented by the fisherman’s wife. In that story the fisherman’s wife gets her wishes granted but she gets so over the top with her wishes that she ends up losing them all. I think that’s a complication that could come out of this- that we could run away with ourselves and blow our budget or start planning over the top silly stuff only to find we wanted it simple anyway. What’s the message? Keep it simple, make sure we are both on the same page with our ideas and plans and remember we are having a wedding to celebrate our love, not to show off.

9- Sun, Moon, Stars

This is a great little spread for when you just want to know what is actually going on in a situation. The Sun represents what is obvious, the Moon for what is not so obvious and the Stars for what is hidden.    

Example Reading

I asked my Froud’s Faeries what do I need to know about my writing?

I got Sun- Sylvanius; Moon- The Topsie Turvets; Stars- The Glanconer

Hmmm. Trickier. What’s obvious is that Sylvanius, who represents masks and truths, tells me that I’m speaking my truth behind the mask of faerygodmother. Which is true. What’s not so obvious is the Topsie Turvets telling me that I need to see things from a different point of view. They are asking me if I have unrealistic expectations of my writing. I also get the feeling that it’s not a bad thing to be one voice among many, so long as I bear in mind that my voice isn’t any more valid then anyone else’s. Lastly, what’s hidden is the Glanconer. Funnily enough, he’s also a messenger of confusion. He’s about the truth behind the glamour. Light bulb moment. It all makes sense now. Truth behind masks, seeing different points of view and banishing glamour. What’s the message? I need to know that writing is communicating and that while it’s fine for me to tell my truth I also need to listen and remember that there is actually some hard work involved with writing.

8- Shadow Self, Higher Self, United Self

This is a good mirror. It’s often all to easy for us to see ourselves as all good or all bad, whereas in reality we are all mixtures of both.

Example Reading

I asked the Rider-Waite what do I need to know about myself at this time?

I got Shadow Self- 2 of swords; Higher Self- 5 of Pentacles; United Self- 4 of Wands

So if the 2 of swords is at it’s worst what am I ignoring or trying to justify with bad logic? The only thing I can think of at this point is that due to fear of consequences I’m not following my deepest instinct to make a change in my job even though I know the Universe will probably catch me and help me on to where I should be. This idea is backed up by the 5 of Pentacles as my Higher Self- that there is help if I only ask or that the solution is there as soon as I take the first step. I take this as a ‘hang in there’ as well. It is a change I am planning to make as soon as humanly (and financially) possible. All this is confirmed by the 4 of Wands as my United Self- I’m taking the practical time I need to make the change, gathering in my strength and resources. What’s the message? I know that it will soon be time to make a change and that there is no need to be afraid of that change because there will be support as soon as I ask for it. I’m on the right path at the moment by taking the time to gather my resources.

7- Morning, Afternoon, Evening

You can adapt this to suit any time frame. A day, a week, a month or even a year. It’s less about accuracy then it is about flavour. By flavour I just mean the feel. This is the sort of reading that really doesn’t make sense till after the fact.

Example Reading

I asked my beautiful Wisdom of Avalon Oracle cards what do I need to know about the 1st May?

I got Morning- Earth Faery; Afternoon- Novice; Evening- King

At first glance I would have to think that means I get to do some gardening in the morning, spend some time with my daughter in the afternoon and have a lovely evening with hubby to be. Which would make it a pretty normal day. I’ll have to get back to you on how the day actually does turn out.

6- Problem, Action, Solution

This one works best the more specific you get. You may have noticed that my questions have been fairly general up to this point, because that’s the sort of wording that works best with those spreads. This however is most useful for the minutiae.

Example Reading

I asked my Fey how can I solve our transport issues?

I got Problem- Emperor; Action- 5 of Pentacles; Solution- Judgement

Well, for the problem we have hubby to be sitting on a stone throne, much like his truck which alas, is also stone at the moment- it isn’t going anywhere. How weird that I have another 5 of Pentacles as a middle card, this time as the action to take. In this card, both figures are inside, cuddling up by a fire. I take that as the only action we can take is to wait for night to end, that is our financial night which thankfully will be coming to an end soon, in the meantime we just have to make do. The solution is Judgement. This Judgement is an artist with her head down, paintbrush still in hand. Is she asleep or just resting? I think it means that we have to get creative with our solution. To think outside the square. What’s the message? That the solution may not be what I think it will be and that we’ll need to hang in there for a little while longer with the transport issues.  

5- You, Me, Us

You can use this spread for more than just romantic relationships. By necessity it is a rather general spread but it does give a very good snap shot of the current state of a relationship or interaction.

Example Reading

I asked my Heart of The Faerie Oracle what do I need to know about the interaction between my readers and me?

I got You- the Captive Man; Me- the Magician; Us- the Green Woman

Well, that’s an interesting one. The Captive Man represents false perceptions, enthrallment and release from captivity. My aim when I started this blog was to break some misconceptions about fortune telling and reading in general. That the Captive Man makes an appearance as you, my readers, suggests that my aim is on track. There’s quite a lot of bristling demand and power with this faery and his friends. I think there is a diversity of readers but the one thing you have in common is a desire to learn the truth behind the “glamour” of readers. What makes this rather funny (and as per Fae humour) the card for Me, the Magician is all about faery glamour. I really like her and her message. She makes me think of those stage magicians who show everyone how the trick is done- which is what I want to do. The card for Us is just beautiful. The Green Woman is subtlety, beauty and fruition. She speaks of balance and a gentle flow of energy, creativity and inner strength. I especially like her advice to “be strong in your convictions but gentle in the manner in which you present them.” Works for me. What’s the message? Together I think they speak about our journey to find the truth behind the glamour of fortune telling, but not to break that glamour altogether. It will take time and a natural process for us to get where we are going on this journey and between us we have the power to add a little more magic to the world. All in all, I think I like that.  

4- Stop, Wait, Go

The Traffic Light spread is a great go to general spread, especially if you are in the mood to read but don’t have any burning questions.

Example Reading

I asked my Shapeshifter tarot what do I need to know about my life in general?

I got Stop-2 of Air (Wands); Wait- Courage (Strength); Go- Goddess of Earth (Pentacles)

The first card shows us a dragon trying to open a bee hive under a fruiting tree. I think this means I need to stop pushing myself so hard or I’m going to get stung! All things ripen in time. Next I need to wait for the right time to use my courage. This courage is a woman/ mother bear and her child, which is an appropriate analogy- when you raise a child you have to find the right balance between pushing them to grow and learn and protecting them- we have to do that for ourselves as well. Lastly the Go is about networking and using all of my talents. This reading echoes one I did a little earlier. What’s the message? Be patient, good times are coming, use your skills wisely while you wait.

3- Reduce, Reuse, Recycle

This is a new one in my repertoire thanks to a lovely site that I highly recommend you check out. She originally had this as a 6 card reading with two cards for each position and further refining, but I think the 3 card version works just fine too. It doesn’t really need a question because it’s pretty specific in and of itself, plus I’ve found it tends to over-ride any question you ask anyway.

Example Reading

I asked my Animal Dreaming oracle what do I need to reduce, reuse and recycle?

I got Reduce- Mouse (scrutiny); Reuse- Cuscus (calmness); Recycle- Bat (rebirth)

As the mouse is all about the details, I take it that I should reduce my ‘scrutiny’ ie- don’t sweat the small stuff. Which is true. As for the cuscus, he takes things one step at a time, calmly achieving not in a rush of activity but in small measured steps. I should reuse that ability to take things one step at a time, to add a small amount everyday. Lastly the bat. There’s that idea again of change coming. This time as a letting go of all that is old and outdated. Bats symbolically are reborn every night as they come out of the caves that represent Earths womb. Everything old is new again. What’s the message? Somewhere along the line I mixed up taking things one step at a time for nitpicking details. Time to get that back into order. As Elvis would say, a little less conversation, a little more action. Time to polish off some of my old skills.

2- Who, What, When

This one is also adapt as needed. You can either add more cards for things like ‘where’ or ‘how’ or simply replace some of the three above. This one needs as specific a question as you can get.

Example Reading

I asked my Titania’s Fortune Cards what do I need to know about my 50th follower?

I got Who- Woman (gee thanks for narrowing it down!); What- Key; When- Tree

No one ever said that cards didn’t have a sense of humour. Chances are my 50th follower will be female. What she represents is that I will get to 50 followers at some point. But the Tree suggests it won’t be anytime soon, or at least it will take some time to get there.

1- Past, Present, Future

I wouldn’t say that the PPF is my favourite spread but it is hands down the single most useful spread. It is the foundation of pretty much every reading you are ever going to get or do. There is a reason it’s important to look at the past and present. In order to know where you are going you have to know where you have been. It’s also a fantastic way to know if the reader you are paying money to is worth it. If you don’t understand what they are talking about at the past and present stage then chances are your reading is just wrong. You need to be able to say, ‘yep, I know what that’s about’ each and every time they lay out the past and present cards. Sometimes you do have to think outside the square to see it, sometimes it means admitting things to yourself you’d rather not, but the truth is it is of paramount importance that you get it.

Generally speaking, futures don’t just appear out of the blue. They are often the obvious consequences of previous actions or attitudes. Sometimes surprises and the unexpected do happen, but nine times out of ten, you get the future you’ve been making for yourself. This is why the PPF is so important.

Example Reading

I asked Froud’s Faeries what is the past, present and future of FaeryGodmothers Fortunes?

I got Past- Ilbe the Retriever; Present- The Piper; Future- Indi

Ilbe is so cute when he looks at you in that forlorn way. He keeps hopes and dreams safe, sometimes so safe that you forget where you put them. He says that this site is the renewal of an old dream- which is true. I’ve wanted to be a writer for as long as I can remember, but life has always gotten in the way. The Piper is playing his tune right now. I love how he communicates- while his communication is wordless music, mine is in the lyrics of life. It’s always worried me a bit that when he shows up someone is always hearing me better then I hear myself. But in the spirit of the Piper, I will just let my words flow without over editing myself. Coming up, Indi. Now why would he be here? Is it because I’m not sure what direction I’d like to take the site? Or maybe it’s the commitment side of him coming out. That makes sense to me. I guess what he’s saying is that at some point in the future I’ll need to make a choice and a commitment to that choice. What that will be I’ll have to wait and see, but I suspect it involves how much time, effort and livelihood I put on the site. What’s the message? The site is a two-fold renewal for me in that I had put a lot of my skills and talents as a reader on the backburner while I got on with other things. Also on the back burner was my writing, so Ilbe retrieved both for me. Currently my words and messages as wafting out the in the world softly and gently, reaching those who need to hear it, those who know to listen for it. Soon, I’ll have to make a choice and stick with it. But I’ll stay open minded about what that choice will be and trust that it will be obvious when I see it.

So there you have it. My top ten 3 card spreads and examples of how they work. Hopefully that isn’t over sharing more about me then you probably wanted to know, but I was the only handy subject for readings. Plus it was fun.

So what’s you favourite 3 card spread?

My Top Ten Exercises to Flex Your Intuitive Muscles

While intuition is such a personal thing, there are lots of exercises you can try to help develop and strengthen your trust in your own intuition. These are the top ten things that work for me.

10- Read Lots Of Trivia

How To Do It

Read. A lot. Lots of different things from as many different sources as you can.

Why it Works

Consider trivia to be fodder for your intuition. Often we know things without knowing how we know them because we forgot that once upon a time we read something about it once. When you ask the Universe for a sign it helps if some part of you knows that feathers in strange places can mean a message. It helps even more if you know that crows are renowned for their intelligence and tool using ability so it’s not impossible to make the intuitive leap that black feather you found not long after you asked for a sign could be telling you that you should be using your intelligence and the tools at hand to make progress on whatever you asked about in the first place. Sometimes it is worth filling your head with stuff in order to hear your intuition. I know that runs counter to a lot of advice out there. Again, I’m just saying what works for me. But you would be amazed at how often we come across relevant trivia when we are looking for answers.

9- Ground

How to Do It

Pick a method, any method. My favourite method is to imagine myself as a tree. I feel my energy going down into the earth as roots, picking up the nourishing strength of Mother Earth and feeding her my negativity, my angry thoughts, my “grr’s” from the day. I can feel my branches spread out, my leaves unfurl, picking up the warmth of the sun or the cool strength of the moon. As my energy spreads out I feel calmer. I let myself feel.  It is a physical sensation. It feels like being more in your body. I don’t know how else to describe it. If you’re a healthy exercising sort of person, it’s similar to the feeling you get after a good work out. The more grounded you are the less anything will faze you.

Why it Works

Our intuitions work best when we aren’t busy interfering with them. That means- cut out the over think.  When we know something we know it because we haven’t analysed it to death. The best way to do that is by actually being present. Don’t get me wrong. I’m an expert at over thinking things. I do it all the time. But we do need to constantly remind ourselves to stop. Take a deep breath. Just be. Grounding is essential in any psychic work. You should ground and shield before and after any reading. But it is a constant reminder. Life and programming get in the way, so it’s always worth checking your emotional state. Are you or are you not very grounded? The more emotional we are, the less grounded we are. And life has a way of making us all emotional.

8- Switch Your Body Off

How to Do It

When you go to bed, relax. Start at your feet. Tell yourself you can feel your feet. That your feet are very sleepy. That all the negativity is draining out of your feet and that your feet are falling asleep. Then tell yourself that your ankles are very sleepy. You can feel all the negativity draining out of your ankles and your ankles are falling asleep. Then you can feel your calves, your calves are sleepy, all the negativity is draining out of your calves, your calves are falling asleep. Keep going till you reach your head. Don’t worry when your brain  cuts in and starts talking about something that happened during your day. Unless you are Superman, you will lose track somewhere along the line. As soon as you notice just pick it up again from the last place you remember and keep going.

Why it Works

Well firstly, it’s the best way to get a really restful nights sleep. If you are the sort of person that only sleeps a few hours, then you’ll notice that a few hours sleep after you have “switched your body off” will be more energising than any other. Other then that I’m not 100% sure why it works. My theory is that it comes back to the being hyper aware of your physicality. Plus allowing yourself to drain away residual negativity that may or may not come from other people, is always a good thing. Dreams are clearer and more useful after switching off your body. Problems that you need solving always come clearer the morning after. For what ever reason, it is a useful mediation and I highly recommend trying it.

7- Meditation

How to Do It

Whatever works for you.

I am not an “empty mind” kind of person. I have never gotten the hang of mediations that demanded a silent mind. Sorry. I felt bad about that until the day I discovered that was actually normal. So instead, I concentrate on methods of mediations that do work for me. Either affirmations (sentences repeated in the mind) or pictures or an all encompassing activity. My personal favourite meditation is to colour in mandalas. The kid in me loves colouring in, the adult in me feels proud of producing a beautiful artwork. As a side affect from this kind of meditation, I have a record of my ‘mood’ going back years based on my colour choices for various mandalas.

Why It Works

While it may not always achieve a silent mind you do get a quiet one. Trying to hear your intuition while your mind is going a hundred miles an hour is like trying to have a conversation at a loud party. You both have to shout to be heard and even then it’s usually only the most superficial of conversations. For a deep and meaningful conversation with your intuition you need a quiet room. Meditation has a long history for a reason. It works.

6- Card of the Day

How To Do It

Pick a card, any card, at the beginning of your day. Journal what you think it means then forget about it. It is really important that you don’t spend the whole day thinking about the card and it’s meanings. At the end of your day, write down what actually happened. Don’t spend every day trying to tie the two together. Once a month, or every three months or even six months, look for overall patterns. This works best over long periods of time. So don’t rush the process. You can also do this with dreams, or gut feelings or patterns of the snail trails in your garden or whatever.

Why It Works

Everybody’s subconscious and intuition speaks an individual language. This technique helps you learn your own language. It’s not an instant process. It takes time and the ability to see the big picture. The point of this is to not only learn to listen to your intuition but to understand what your intuition is trying to tell you. When you learn a new language it often helps if you pick up an object and someone tells you what the word for it is in the language you’re learning. This works on the same sort of principle. You learn what your intuitive “word” is for say an up coming argument, or an unexpected compliment, or a developing complication, and so on.

5- Guessing Games

How To Do It

Instant guesses, with no thinking. What colour car will be the next one around the corner? How many petals on the flower? The next ad is going to be for? The price of the dress is? You get the idea. It is easier to play this with someone else because your competitive instincts cut in. Hubby to be and I play guessing games all the time because it’s fun. You can do it by yourself too though. What you are looking for is a hit rate of above 50/ 50. That is, you want to be right more then half of the time.

Why It Works

The trick is not to let yourself think about it. Think of it as creating and deepening the channel between you and your intuition. The more you get out of your own way the better you are at listening to your intuition. This game helps you practice that skill. It helps you learn what it feels like when you are genuinely hearing your intuition and when you are just thinking you are. It’s like when someone tells you to balance on one foot, only you know what that balance feels like.

4- Talk To Yourself

How To Do It

This is not as crazy at it sounds. To have a conversation with yourself it helps if you can write with both hands. If you can’t that’s fine, just practice. Eventually you’ll be able to read what you write with your non-dominant hand. So, write yourself a question with your normal writing hand, then answer it with the other one. Any question goes. Yes you can think about it. But you’ll find as time goes on with this exercise that you’ll write things you never thought you would with your non dominant hand.

Why It Works

I suspect it’s a brain thing. Hemispheres and all that. I read somewhere once that psychologists use this method to allow a persons inner child to speak. I think there’s a lot of merit in that. For me, it has meant getting to know myself better and getting past some of my ‘I’m a good/ mature person’ hang ups. For me, it’s been more about speaking with my shadow side than my inner child. I think it works because it’s outside the square. It means using more of your brain as opposed to more of your mind.

3- Get Elemental

How to Do It

Swim. Garden. Hike. Brush your pet. Whatever. This is about being tactile. It’s very similar to meditating but it’s important that you are connecting with an element. For me, swimming and gardening work best because I’m partial to water and earth. Allow yourself to truly connect to something outside yourself that you can touch.

Why It Works

We aren’t islands. Every single one of us is deeply connected to everything else. You could go all quantum and start thinking about how we are all one but that does my head in if I think about it for too long. Connecting to one thing at a time is a step towards that Universal connection. It’s about finding a balance between sinking into the Universal All and still maintaining your individuality. It’s also about increasing your awareness of that All in smaller, more manageable steps. It flexes your intuitive muscles by allowing you to tap into something outside yourself, without getting overwhelmed. Start small (brushing your pet) and work your way up (swimming in the ocean and allowing yourself to feel all the world’s ocean’s). This is intuitive because you’ll only ever feel what you are ready to feel. Otherwise it just a nice swim or a happier pet.

2- Sleep on It

How To Do It

This one is an oldie but a goodie. If you are a people pleaser and always say “yes” to things you later regret practice saying, “I’ll get back to you.” Then sleep on it. If in the morning you feel good about the request, go for it. If on the other hand you don’t feel good about the request you have bought yourself time to think of a good reason why you can’t or won’t. This works for solving problems, seeing solutions, calming down, you name it. One simple sentence- I’ll get back to you. That’s it.

Why It Works

Our subconscious minds are the work horses of our mental gymnastics. Our conscious minds might be the thoroughbreds- fast but highly strung- but it’s our subconscious that carries us through. Digging deep, slow but steady, our subconscious always gets us there in the end. We just need to give it time to work. It works best when we aren’t in control any more. That is, when we are asleep. Sometimes we see the work in progress as dreams but most often we just wake up in the morning with a fresh perspective. As a side affect of sleeping on it, it allows us to make decision from our own energy centre, rather then being swayed by someone else’s sometimes dominant energy.

1- Trust it

How to Do It

Well, now, that’s the million dollar question isn’t. How do you just trust it? Simple. Learn not to beat yourself up when you get it wrong.

Why It Works

If you are here and reading this chances are you are already pretty interested in working with your intuition. The problem I have found over the years is that so many people simply don’t trust their intuitions because they think “but I was wrong about xyz, what if I’m wrong about this too?” Well? What if you are wrong? Is it a life and death situation? Will following your intuition possibly result in death or serious impairment? If the answer to that is no, then the only harm that could come from following your intuition is that you’ll be wrong. You may take a wrong turn, or suffer a hurt you’ll recover from, or a setback may cost you money or time or whatever. That’s it. You also run those same risks if you think about it or over analyse it. So in the end, it costs you nothing you wouldn’t have paid anyway to follow your intuition. Getting it wrong comes under the heading of Shit Happens. We pick ourselves up. Dust ourselves off. And keep on keeping on. We are allowed to be wrong. We are allowed to make idiots of ourselves. Because we are only human. To be human is to get things right and get things wrong. However, if you trust your intuition, and you’ve learnt to listen to it properly, learnt to tell the difference between what you want to hear and what you actually hear, then you will find that your intuition is far more right then wrong.