Top Ten Things You Need To Know About Wishing

1- Make your wish then move on

You’ve finally decided you want to wish for something, what do you do next? You make your wish in what ever form suits you (eg on a star, with a collage, chicken wish bone, etc) then you move on. By moving on I mean you get on with your life. You don’t obsess about the wish, or wonder exactly how it’s going to come true or when or if or any other form of picking at it. You just let the wish go to do it’s own thing, trusting that, having made the wish you have done at least part of your bit. It’s actually really important that you move on from the wish making stage or you get stuck there, stuck in the mindset that led you to make your wish in the first place.

2- Next comes the hard work

Having made your wish you have to live as if that wish were going to come true. Have you wished for a dream job? Start applying for it or getting the courses you need under your belt to do it. Wished you could be a successful writer/ artist/ photographer etc? Well, start writing or painting or taking photos etc. You can’t be successful at something you haven’t even started yet. If you have started keep doing what you’re doing and learn to get better at it. Have you wished for new love? Work on yourself and your own issues till you are a person who can see yourself being loved be the person you want to love you. Whatever your wish, you have to be the one who puts in the hard work to accomplish it, you have to do something to open up the space in your life to allow it to happen. Couch potatoes don’t get to be astronauts until they’ve seriously put in some hours at the gym.

3- Make sure you really want it

What will achieving your wish cost you? Do you want a super successful career as a top level CEO? Are you prepared to sacrifice time with your family and loved ones for that, working 90 hours a week with that sort of responsibility on your shoulders? Is your wish really something that you think you should want because it’s expected of you? Do you wish for a relationship but deep down inside think that your own company is just fine and that you are rather happy, if somewhat lonely, on your own. A relationship isn’t something you do to fill up loneliness, but that’s a whole other subject. Making a wish is a powerful signal to the universe that you want something to change. If you don’t really want your life to change then don’t make any wishes.  

4- Put some thought into what needs to change

Speaking of change, that’s exactly what wishing is. Saying out loud you want things to be different. It’s important that you devote some time and energy to what exactly those changes mean. That dream job may only be available somewhere far from your family and loved ones. Or getting it might mean having to lose your partners job so he or she can be with you. If it’s love you wished for then what needs to change about yourself to allow that love in? Are you ready for a new relationship or are you still clinging to the shards of a broken one? If you wished you were fit and healthy then it stands to reason to get your wish you have to change your diet and exercise habits.

5- You can’t control the timing

Usually when we make a wish, the subject of the wish is of pressing importance to us. We want it to come true now. But, if you wish for love, what if the right person for you isn’t available at the moment? What if he or she is simply not ready for a relationship or with someone else or learning lessons that are important to both of your long term happiness? You could always settle for someone else but that would defeat the purpose of the wish wouldn’t it. Same goes for dream jobs. What if someone else has the right job for you at this moment in time. Sometimes we just have to wait until everything is ready for our chance. The Universe has a much bigger perspective then we do and can see where to slot us in. “Oh yes, I have an opening for a dream job next Thursday, can you wait?” None of us are going to say, “No I need it by tomorrow or I don’t want it.”

6- Don’t make a wish about someone else that you wouldn’t want someone else to make about you

This one is a doosy and applies especially to relationship/ love wishes. Don’t wish for a specific person to love you. Think of how you would feel if someone out there was wishing you would fall in love with them even if you didn’t want to. This is where the number one Golden Rule applies. Do unto others as you’d have them do unto you. It’s not a nice or comfortable feeling to be the object of someone else’s obsession, even if you aren’t aware of it. This also applies to wishing for the downfall of others, wishing they’d get their comeuppance (no matter how much they deserve it), wishing they’d go away etc. Be nice. Hold a mirror up to your wish and see if you are comfortable about someone wishing that on you. If the answer is yes then proceed joyously. If it’s not then it may be time to look deeper into why you would want to wish that.

7- Readjust your expectations

Just to bring up our couch potato astronaut again, some wishes are seriously unrealistic. Don’t be surprised when you and all of the other millions of people don’t win the Lotto. That’s a lot of wishes vying for one small trophy. Same goes with relationships. If you want a handsome, successful, rich, generous, family oriented, committed, romantic, down to earth, (etc etc) man then don’t be surprised if you don’t meet him till you’re 90. There aren’t too many of the rare ones going around (that’s why they are rare). If you want to be happy in a relationship readjust what exactly it will take to make you happy? Is it more important that he’s rich or handsome? What about romantic vs down to earth? Romantic men tend to not be quite so good with DIY- he may not be able to fix your taps but he’ll have some lovely poetry about the sound of their dripping. The more realistic you can be about your wish, the easier it will come to you.

8- Be careful what you wish for

Wishes are notoriously tricky things. There’s a reason they figure the way they do in stories. Say you did write a laundry list of qualities you absolutely had to have in a man (or woman) and, miracle of miracles, you met and fell in love with a person who embodied them all. We can never think of everything before hand, so there will undoubtedly be something you didn’t see coming. Say you got Mr Perfect as described above, but forgot  to include getting on with his mother. Yep. You guessed it. Mr Perfect comes with Mother in law from hell. Or dream job gets landed at your feet, oops, forgot to include the bit about working for someone worth working for. Turns out the job is fantastic and everything you hoped for, but, it comes with a nightmare boss, or commute to work, or a junior who has a crush on you. You get the idea. Wishes always come with a price and a lesson to learn. Just because this is the way of things doesn’t mean you should not wish or aim for your highest ideals. After all, the other option is to stay stuck and unfulfilled.

9- Know yourself

The best wishes come from a place, deep inside yourself, that is serene and secure. Wishes made from the surface, from a place of being afraid of being left behind, or unloved or insecure tend to backfire. The better you know yourself. The happier you are with who you are right now, the better your wishes comes true. The more magical and amazing their appearance, and the more fulfilling they will be. So, before you make any wishes really, really know yourself. Ask yourself the hard questions like, why aren’t I in a happy relationship now? Do I want too much? Am I capable of giving to someone else what I wish they would give to me? Am I in the right place emotionally? Do I need to work on my issues? Why don’t I have the right job? Have I gone down the wrong path or followed a path that no longer fulfils me? Know thyself is the first step to just about anything spiritual and it is certainly at the start of any journey into wishing.  

10- Some things just aren’t meant to be

Some of our noblest wishes are for others. I wish they were well. Or I wish they could find happiness. Or I wish that persons misfortunes would come to an end. But sometimes that’s simply not what destiny has in mind. Sometimes we have to let go of our wishes because there is a reason why they can’t come true. We can’t always see these reasons from where we are at. That’s what makes not getting a wish hard to deal with. But sometimes we simply have to trust that things happen for a reason and that we aren’t privy to all those reasons. This holds especially true when we wish someone would feel about us the way we feel about them. 99% of the time it’s to do with their issues, not ours. So, if you don’t get your wish, go back to the start of this list. Move on. There are more wishes out there. More paths to a fulfilling life. And, when it comes down to it, some things in life are simply sad. We can’t gloss over the fact that there are some crappy things about life. Like being sick. Or losing a job. Or losing a friend. We only experience joy because we have something to compare it too. Sadness. Being sad isn’t bad, in and of itself. Losing yourself in sadness is. The single best thing to wish for? Healing the self. All things are possible for a person who is whole, in and of themselves.



Shoulda, Coulda & Woulda

A recent post and comments on Mamamia got me thinking about my three least favourite faeries, Shoulda, Coulda and Woulda and their pernicious knack for making us feel bad about ourselves, our lives and our choices. I think that Shoulda, Coulda and Woulda are friends of Gloominus Doom but they were too sneaky to choose to show up in a deck of cards, plus, when it boils down to it, they probably didn’t really want to help people like all the other fae in that deck. No, what these three do best is whisper in our ears about how differently we should be doing things, or how we could be doing so much better if only… And worst of all about how we would be doing things if we really wanted to but don’t because we are afraid.

At the end of the day, whether we joke and call them faeries whispering in our ears or the negative tapes we play in our heads, should, could and would are all about expectations. The more attached we are to our expectations the more it hurts when life doesn’t match up with them. Can we ever really do away with them altogether? No, I don’t think so because in moderation and the right context, expectations are important. We should expect to be treated with respect and dignity and notice that something is wrong when we aren’t. We could be kinder to ourselves but often aren’t kind enough because we don’t want to be seen as selfish or self indulgent. We would do more but so often we are tired from doing so much that leaves us feeling drained of energy and enthusiasm.

So what do we do about Shoulda, Coulda, and Woulda? Should we let them take over? Could we learn to ignore their whispering? Would we be better off if we did? Hmm. Doesn’t look like it does it. The insidious trio gets in everywhere, even when you are trying to be positive. Maybe, just maybe, we can learn from what they whisper to us without taking it to heart, listen to their words without taking it personally and seeing it as a personal failure or shortcoming. Maybe, Shoulda, Coulda and Woulda can help us after all because whenever they come whispering they whisper about what can we do better in the future, they whisper about lessons we can learn from the past, they whisper about living life as it is meant to be lived- to the fullest.

You know, maybe they aren’t my least favourite faeries after all…

My Top Ten Exercises to Flex Your Intuitive Muscles

While intuition is such a personal thing, there are lots of exercises you can try to help develop and strengthen your trust in your own intuition. These are the top ten things that work for me.

10- Read Lots Of Trivia

How To Do It

Read. A lot. Lots of different things from as many different sources as you can.

Why it Works

Consider trivia to be fodder for your intuition. Often we know things without knowing how we know them because we forgot that once upon a time we read something about it once. When you ask the Universe for a sign it helps if some part of you knows that feathers in strange places can mean a message. It helps even more if you know that crows are renowned for their intelligence and tool using ability so it’s not impossible to make the intuitive leap that black feather you found not long after you asked for a sign could be telling you that you should be using your intelligence and the tools at hand to make progress on whatever you asked about in the first place. Sometimes it is worth filling your head with stuff in order to hear your intuition. I know that runs counter to a lot of advice out there. Again, I’m just saying what works for me. But you would be amazed at how often we come across relevant trivia when we are looking for answers.

9- Ground

How to Do It

Pick a method, any method. My favourite method is to imagine myself as a tree. I feel my energy going down into the earth as roots, picking up the nourishing strength of Mother Earth and feeding her my negativity, my angry thoughts, my “grr’s” from the day. I can feel my branches spread out, my leaves unfurl, picking up the warmth of the sun or the cool strength of the moon. As my energy spreads out I feel calmer. I let myself feel.  It is a physical sensation. It feels like being more in your body. I don’t know how else to describe it. If you’re a healthy exercising sort of person, it’s similar to the feeling you get after a good work out. The more grounded you are the less anything will faze you.

Why it Works

Our intuitions work best when we aren’t busy interfering with them. That means- cut out the over think.  When we know something we know it because we haven’t analysed it to death. The best way to do that is by actually being present. Don’t get me wrong. I’m an expert at over thinking things. I do it all the time. But we do need to constantly remind ourselves to stop. Take a deep breath. Just be. Grounding is essential in any psychic work. You should ground and shield before and after any reading. But it is a constant reminder. Life and programming get in the way, so it’s always worth checking your emotional state. Are you or are you not very grounded? The more emotional we are, the less grounded we are. And life has a way of making us all emotional.

8- Switch Your Body Off

How to Do It

When you go to bed, relax. Start at your feet. Tell yourself you can feel your feet. That your feet are very sleepy. That all the negativity is draining out of your feet and that your feet are falling asleep. Then tell yourself that your ankles are very sleepy. You can feel all the negativity draining out of your ankles and your ankles are falling asleep. Then you can feel your calves, your calves are sleepy, all the negativity is draining out of your calves, your calves are falling asleep. Keep going till you reach your head. Don’t worry when your brain  cuts in and starts talking about something that happened during your day. Unless you are Superman, you will lose track somewhere along the line. As soon as you notice just pick it up again from the last place you remember and keep going.

Why it Works

Well firstly, it’s the best way to get a really restful nights sleep. If you are the sort of person that only sleeps a few hours, then you’ll notice that a few hours sleep after you have “switched your body off” will be more energising than any other. Other then that I’m not 100% sure why it works. My theory is that it comes back to the being hyper aware of your physicality. Plus allowing yourself to drain away residual negativity that may or may not come from other people, is always a good thing. Dreams are clearer and more useful after switching off your body. Problems that you need solving always come clearer the morning after. For what ever reason, it is a useful mediation and I highly recommend trying it.

7- Meditation

How to Do It

Whatever works for you.

I am not an “empty mind” kind of person. I have never gotten the hang of mediations that demanded a silent mind. Sorry. I felt bad about that until the day I discovered that was actually normal. So instead, I concentrate on methods of mediations that do work for me. Either affirmations (sentences repeated in the mind) or pictures or an all encompassing activity. My personal favourite meditation is to colour in mandalas. The kid in me loves colouring in, the adult in me feels proud of producing a beautiful artwork. As a side affect from this kind of meditation, I have a record of my ‘mood’ going back years based on my colour choices for various mandalas.

Why It Works

While it may not always achieve a silent mind you do get a quiet one. Trying to hear your intuition while your mind is going a hundred miles an hour is like trying to have a conversation at a loud party. You both have to shout to be heard and even then it’s usually only the most superficial of conversations. For a deep and meaningful conversation with your intuition you need a quiet room. Meditation has a long history for a reason. It works.

6- Card of the Day

How To Do It

Pick a card, any card, at the beginning of your day. Journal what you think it means then forget about it. It is really important that you don’t spend the whole day thinking about the card and it’s meanings. At the end of your day, write down what actually happened. Don’t spend every day trying to tie the two together. Once a month, or every three months or even six months, look for overall patterns. This works best over long periods of time. So don’t rush the process. You can also do this with dreams, or gut feelings or patterns of the snail trails in your garden or whatever.

Why It Works

Everybody’s subconscious and intuition speaks an individual language. This technique helps you learn your own language. It’s not an instant process. It takes time and the ability to see the big picture. The point of this is to not only learn to listen to your intuition but to understand what your intuition is trying to tell you. When you learn a new language it often helps if you pick up an object and someone tells you what the word for it is in the language you’re learning. This works on the same sort of principle. You learn what your intuitive “word” is for say an up coming argument, or an unexpected compliment, or a developing complication, and so on.

5- Guessing Games

How To Do It

Instant guesses, with no thinking. What colour car will be the next one around the corner? How many petals on the flower? The next ad is going to be for? The price of the dress is? You get the idea. It is easier to play this with someone else because your competitive instincts cut in. Hubby to be and I play guessing games all the time because it’s fun. You can do it by yourself too though. What you are looking for is a hit rate of above 50/ 50. That is, you want to be right more then half of the time.

Why It Works

The trick is not to let yourself think about it. Think of it as creating and deepening the channel between you and your intuition. The more you get out of your own way the better you are at listening to your intuition. This game helps you practice that skill. It helps you learn what it feels like when you are genuinely hearing your intuition and when you are just thinking you are. It’s like when someone tells you to balance on one foot, only you know what that balance feels like.

4- Talk To Yourself

How To Do It

This is not as crazy at it sounds. To have a conversation with yourself it helps if you can write with both hands. If you can’t that’s fine, just practice. Eventually you’ll be able to read what you write with your non-dominant hand. So, write yourself a question with your normal writing hand, then answer it with the other one. Any question goes. Yes you can think about it. But you’ll find as time goes on with this exercise that you’ll write things you never thought you would with your non dominant hand.

Why It Works

I suspect it’s a brain thing. Hemispheres and all that. I read somewhere once that psychologists use this method to allow a persons inner child to speak. I think there’s a lot of merit in that. For me, it has meant getting to know myself better and getting past some of my ‘I’m a good/ mature person’ hang ups. For me, it’s been more about speaking with my shadow side than my inner child. I think it works because it’s outside the square. It means using more of your brain as opposed to more of your mind.

3- Get Elemental

How to Do It

Swim. Garden. Hike. Brush your pet. Whatever. This is about being tactile. It’s very similar to meditating but it’s important that you are connecting with an element. For me, swimming and gardening work best because I’m partial to water and earth. Allow yourself to truly connect to something outside yourself that you can touch.

Why It Works

We aren’t islands. Every single one of us is deeply connected to everything else. You could go all quantum and start thinking about how we are all one but that does my head in if I think about it for too long. Connecting to one thing at a time is a step towards that Universal connection. It’s about finding a balance between sinking into the Universal All and still maintaining your individuality. It’s also about increasing your awareness of that All in smaller, more manageable steps. It flexes your intuitive muscles by allowing you to tap into something outside yourself, without getting overwhelmed. Start small (brushing your pet) and work your way up (swimming in the ocean and allowing yourself to feel all the world’s ocean’s). This is intuitive because you’ll only ever feel what you are ready to feel. Otherwise it just a nice swim or a happier pet.

2- Sleep on It

How To Do It

This one is an oldie but a goodie. If you are a people pleaser and always say “yes” to things you later regret practice saying, “I’ll get back to you.” Then sleep on it. If in the morning you feel good about the request, go for it. If on the other hand you don’t feel good about the request you have bought yourself time to think of a good reason why you can’t or won’t. This works for solving problems, seeing solutions, calming down, you name it. One simple sentence- I’ll get back to you. That’s it.

Why It Works

Our subconscious minds are the work horses of our mental gymnastics. Our conscious minds might be the thoroughbreds- fast but highly strung- but it’s our subconscious that carries us through. Digging deep, slow but steady, our subconscious always gets us there in the end. We just need to give it time to work. It works best when we aren’t in control any more. That is, when we are asleep. Sometimes we see the work in progress as dreams but most often we just wake up in the morning with a fresh perspective. As a side affect of sleeping on it, it allows us to make decision from our own energy centre, rather then being swayed by someone else’s sometimes dominant energy.

1- Trust it

How to Do It

Well, now, that’s the million dollar question isn’t. How do you just trust it? Simple. Learn not to beat yourself up when you get it wrong.

Why It Works

If you are here and reading this chances are you are already pretty interested in working with your intuition. The problem I have found over the years is that so many people simply don’t trust their intuitions because they think “but I was wrong about xyz, what if I’m wrong about this too?” Well? What if you are wrong? Is it a life and death situation? Will following your intuition possibly result in death or serious impairment? If the answer to that is no, then the only harm that could come from following your intuition is that you’ll be wrong. You may take a wrong turn, or suffer a hurt you’ll recover from, or a setback may cost you money or time or whatever. That’s it. You also run those same risks if you think about it or over analyse it. So in the end, it costs you nothing you wouldn’t have paid anyway to follow your intuition. Getting it wrong comes under the heading of Shit Happens. We pick ourselves up. Dust ourselves off. And keep on keeping on. We are allowed to be wrong. We are allowed to make idiots of ourselves. Because we are only human. To be human is to get things right and get things wrong. However, if you trust your intuition, and you’ve learnt to listen to it properly, learnt to tell the difference between what you want to hear and what you actually hear, then you will find that your intuition is far more right then wrong.

Can Intuition Be Taught?

Yes and no.

Yes, it is possible to strengthen and learn to work with the intuition you have. No, no one can teach you to work your intuition like they work with theirs.

As a bottom line I’d be very suspicious of any courses that charge you hundreds of dollars to use something you were born with. Some books can help, but only in as far as they can put into words something that you already know and unfortunately most are rather wishy washy. To tell which books are helpful and which are wishy washy open the book up to any page and read about a paragraph. If you find yourself nodding and saying to yourself, “hmm, that makes sense,” then it’s a good book. On the other hand if you find yourself not understanding half of it or wondering what on earth they are referring to then it’s most likely a big pass.

To learn to work with your intuition you need to start by acknowledging you have one. Too many people assume that they need some kind of special training or power to sense things. I think this comes from so many of us being conditioned from a young age to respect authority and give our power away- to make someone else responsible for our lives. Sometimes this can come from religious upbringings but it can also come from very authoritarian parents or bad childhoods where our power was taken away from us at a young age.

There is a simple reason why people have always said “to go with your gut”. It’s because we do feel our most primal intuitions physically. We feel sick to the stomach at the thought of a bad, scary or dangerous idea, or butterflies in our tummy when we think of something exciting. I have, however, met many people who literally don’t feel these sorts reactions. Through either childhood trauma or the nature of the person, they have found themselves disconnected from their physicality. So step one in learning to use your intuition is learning the signs your body gives you. Starting from as simple as how does it feel when you think about giving yourself a treat (hmmm chocolate…) to how it feels when you think about confronting your boss over a difficult issue. A solid grounding in your body’s natural responses is essential if you want to learn to use your intuition.

Once you are pretty sure you know your body’s language it’s time to move on to testing it on other things. We all sometimes practice run conversations in our minds before we have them. Try writing down what you think happen before a conversation, first with just your intellect then by stopping, breathing deeply, settling yourself down so your attention seems to come from around your tummy and jotting down the ideas that come from that state. Then afterwards go back and check how you did.

There are thousands of free and easy exercises you can try. I’ll be posting more on those in the coming weeks, for now I’ll just leave it at one final point about intuition. The only way to learn to use your intuition is to use it. I can describe the mechanics of riding a bike, but they only way to really learn to ride a bike is to hop on and give it a go. Sometimes you’ll fall off but so long as you keep on getting back on and trying you eventually get the hang of it. Learning to use your intuition is exactly like learning to ride a bike. Get on. Give it a go. And keep on trying.